GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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