If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
People in love make me want to vomit
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
