You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
