sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
