Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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