we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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