i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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