If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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