I could have mohawked her pubes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
