I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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