I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
