I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
