I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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