You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
