dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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