good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize