Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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