Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
