if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
