last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
