Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
