don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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