So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
