I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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