I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
