Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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