What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
