I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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