I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
