I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
