we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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