so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
