i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
