Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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