I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
