You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I could fuck to npr.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
