I'm pants shitting drunk right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
