WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
