is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
