would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
