got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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