feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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