Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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