She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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