it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
