I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
