I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
