Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I want is dick and wine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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