I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
