My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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