I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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