Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do vagina's smell?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
