Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize