Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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