I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
