batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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