At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
