I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize