Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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