i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
